The Aftershock

Before concluding my posts from my six week trip to Bolivia, there is something that I must divulge. I did not write about it earlier because I was afraid to frighten someone. I'm home now, though, so I'm just going to say it.

On April 27, 2012, a 4.0 earthquake struck Cochabamba, Bolivia. It was strong enough for me to see the house rocking back and forth. I had never experienced an earthquake before, and I was honestly excited.

I realize earthquakes are dangerous, however, there was no damage caused by this one. God kept me safe, while letting me experience something that I might never have felt. I thank God for that earthquake.

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I have been home for three weeks now. Yes, I experienced a little bit of culture shock. Yes, I was and still am depressed about being home. I miss my kids so much. 

This blog post has been written three or four times and erased because at this point, there are no words besides..... 

I left my heart in Bolivia. 

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In one of my first posts, I said I wanted to video the kids praying before they ate. It's adorable. On the last day, I actually remembered to video it. You will hear my name in this prayer...because it was my last meal with them. They thank God for me, and they thank God that I was with them for that time. 

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There is another earthquake that I thank God for, and it lasted six weeks. I was shaken every single day. I was changed every single day. And now, I live in the aftershock. 

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. But most importantly, keep my kids in your prayers. Keep Bolivia in your thoughts and prayers. For me. 

I would appreciate it if you left a comment below.... even if it's just to let me know that you've been keeping up.

And as always,

Thanks for reading. 

God bless you.

Just Cry--Part Two

One week ago (last Sunday)....

I had stayed the night with the girls in the BHC, and we went to church together, along with the team. At the end of the service, the team and I stood in the front, telling the congregation we would pray for them if they had any needs.

Over half the church came to the front with us wanting prayer.

Language was not a barrier. They prayed for their needs while we laid hands on them, praying for whatever needs they were declaring.

I walked up to two of the girls that lived in the BHC. While I was praying for them, I couldn't help but wonder what it was like to be them. So, I asked God to show me. I asked Him to allow me to feel what they feel for just a moment.

He let me.

For as long as my hands were on them, there was a weight on my shoulders and my heart. I couldn't control my tears. Everything was heavy, and there was an inward pain and anger burning inside of me. I felt ugly. I felt so ugly. Physically, mentally, and spiritually--ugly.

I let go.

My hands dropped to my sides, and I was haunted. All I could think was, "This is not fair."

The prayer time ended, and I was still crying. I argued with God in my mind. Why do these children have to live in a prison and experience that life?

The answer came a few days later, when Jonathan, a seventeen-year-old boy living in the BHC shared his testimony (first time ever) with our team.

He was in gangs. Drugs. Fights. Stealing. Demon-possessed. Then, he said something I will never forget.

"Thanks be to God because my mom went to prison."

That is when I realized, things that look so horrific to me could all be part of God's plan to capture us and save us. Had his mom not gone to prison, he would have never been part of the Bolivian Hope Center.

Jonathan will now be traveling with Missionary Rich Farthing to share his testimony within Bolivia. He is a different young man, and he's now attending a Bible school. You can see his passion and love for God in his eyes.

I want to be like Jonathan.

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Stay tuned; final post this week.

Thanks for reading.

Just Cry--Part One

A lot has happened since my last post. The team from Life Assembly, my home church, arrived on Thursday (it's Sunday), and we've been very busy!

Friday was their first work day. I have pitched in at times, but during the weekdays I try to continue my routine with the First Steps kids since I will be leaving soon.

During the afternoon, the kids from the Compassion Ministries (they take classes at the Bolivian Hope Center property & eat) and the BHC kids had us go into the church for a small presentation. It was sort of like a mini talent show.  A boy and a girl stood on stage and spoke in Spanish to us, while a boy named Jonathan translated it into English. He is very intelligent.

I cannot remember exactly what was said, but it went something like this:

"We are so happy you are here. We thank God for you. Because of you, we have happiness in our hearts--even in sad times. God bless you."

Every single time I have come here, I have been surprised by how much the people remember us. It just goes to show, not only does "doing good" NEVER go unnoticed, but actually taking to time to show love to people... that is something that can leave a footprint forever.

After that, the BHC kids did a human video/drama for us. The song was "Set Me Free" by Casting Crowns (but in Spanish), and their drama showed a girl surrounded by darkness. The kids were all dressed in black, symbolizing hardships, temptations, and demons. They put chains on the girl and pulled her around, controlling her life and stealing her joy. At the end, a man dressed in white walks in, and the demons fall to the ground. He is Jesus. He helps the girl up and restores her.

I had seen this skit many times, but we all agreed that we had never found it that moving. These kids know what it's like to wear the chains. That's something I really found out today.....but that story comes in Part Two.

In my lap sat Jose Luis. He's two years old, and I have become extremely attached to him. While watching the skit, at about halfway through, he pulled my arm in front of his eyes. I pulled it away because I didn't realize what he was doing. Suddenly, he looked at me. I could see the fear in his eyes. His entire body was violently shaking. He turned around and buried his face into my chest, and then kept turning back for a second to see what was happening, only to bury his head again, shaking. Luis began to cry loud and hard. It was a cry of pure fear. I held him close to me and made sure that he didn't look back anymore. Then, I started crying.

When the skit was over, I ran out of the sanctuary with him in my arms--both of us crying our eyes out. I sat with him on a step of the staircase, and we spent a good fifteen minutes just crying. He was crying because he was scared. I was crying because all I could think was: when I'm not here, who is going to hold him when he is afraid and needs to cry? Who will protect him when I no longer can?


I need God to help me see the purpose in pouring my heart out to these kids and having to leave. I need Him to give me faith in His plans for me right now because this is the hardest thing I have ever been through.


This is Part One of "Just Cry."

What Scares Me

Nine days

Nine days until I'm headed home. A part of me longs for some sweet tea, a juicy Five Guys burger, and a nice, long conversation in English. But, that's only a small part. Very small. 

The rest of me, on the inside, is crying--for many reasons. I'm only going to talk about one, though. The main reason that leaving not only saddens me, but scares me:

Relationships

Even though I've struggled with communicating while I've been in Bolivia, I've managed to build strong relationships with all of the children in the First Steps ministry and especially the girls in the Bolivian Hope Center. I learn more about them every day.

Neglect. Pain. Illness. Struggles. Abandonment.

And the more I count down the days, the more my heart literally hurts with every beat.

Leading up to this trip, I've known. I've known when I'm going, where I'm going, why I'm going. But the only thing I know after this trip is over is college. Yes, I know when, where, and why I am going to college. What I  don't  know is when I'll be back here.

I guess it hurts me so much because I'm afraid they will think that I am abandoning them too; that our relationship was built only because I was in Bolivia for six weeks. I'm scared that I haven't been able to communicate to them how much I love and care for them. I want them to know that it will continue on, even if I see them again or not.

Going into this, I knew it would be hard to leave. I didn't realize that I would end up being so hard on myself for it, though. I can only pray that they continue seeking after God like I've seen them do, and pray that He will send me here again.

Nothing God wants us to do is in vain. Whether I see the purpose in going, building relationships, and then having to leave--God knows the purpose. I just have to keep moving forward and trust Him to tie the loose ends.

Here are two recent pictures that I have taken. I tried to upload a video, but because of the internet connection, it would've possibly taken hours.

Praying over Rich after singing Happy Birthday. They love him so much!

Johan, Jose, Jose Pequeño (little Jose), and Jose Luis. I adore these boys. They were playing "house" together. :] 

More

"What has God opened your eyes to on this trip that is different than the other trips you've been on?"

     Well, this being my fourth trip to Bolivia and my seventh missions trip, you would think that my eyes couldn't open any more. But they certainly have.

      Culture. -- God has used my time here to open my eyes to a different culture. I knew that there were differences, but I have truly been able to see and experience all the little details since I've stayed for an extended amount of time. I've witnessed everything from political and societal unrest to the idiosyncrasies in marriage. Let me give you an example: finances within marriage. Here in Bolivia, usually, the husband and wife live together with separate bank accounts. Sometimes, they even split the children! Say it's a marriage with two kids...  the husband chooses to support one child, while the wife supports the other. Each parent pays for what that child will need. It's never combined. Crazy, right? Why do they do this? Well, they keep their finances separate because they expect someone in the marriage will more than likely walk out.  

     Me, Myself, & I. -- Something about changing your location opens up space for God to show you things about... YOU. Personally, I can tell you that while I've been here, I have officially decided to minor in world missions (while majoring in social work), and that was a decision I have been trying to seal for a while. God has also been showing me how to take things one day at a time. I have always been in a rush to get to the next step or to be done so I can move on to the next thing, and I've learned how important it is not to take things for granted.  Every moment should truly be a treasure as well as every person.

     Reality. -- Ever heard a conversation like this? "Like, oh my gosh, she said this, and then he did that... and now it's the end of the world!"   ....Okay, maybe that was a little dramatic, but we've all either been involved in this type of conversation or have heard it at some point. And it's not just the "average American teenage girl" but every age and BOTH genders. We spend so much time in drama that has no significance whatsoever. There are too many important things to be done for the Kingdom. In my time here, I've seen a new reality. NEED is the new reality for me. HURT is the new reality for me. These are the things that really matter and the things that have true significance. It's the real REALITY.

      I want everyone who reads this to know that God has so much more. MORE, I would say, explains what God has shown me while I'm here. The more I see, the more I pray that everyone else could see more too. 

     Thanks for reading.

If you have any questions about the mission of the Bolivian Hope Center or any other questions about my trip, please leave a comment below and I will happily answer them.

One With The Worms

     Parasites.

     We all get them.

     Not. 

     ---------------------------

     Can I tell you how determined I was not to get sick on this trip? Well, that lasted a good three weeks. After being up all night with stomach pains two nights in a row, we figured out what was wrong.

     Yes, there was life growing within me, and it was most certainly NOT a human. I would say a baby because little Wormy could be a baby. Who knows?

     And you read correctly. I named him Wormy. Sorry if I'm completely grossing you out.

     No, seriously, I have never been more frustrated with sickness in my life. I hate to admit that for a moment I was angry at God for letting it happen to me. Yeah, that sounds horrible, but allow me to let you into my head for a moment.

     Things are going so smooth, and you know you're where you are supposed to be...serving God and doing His work...but then all of a sudden it all stops abruptly. You're in the most pain you can ever remember feeling. You're asking God to please, please take it away. But the night continues, which turns into day, which turns into a second night, which turns into exhaustion and feeling oh, so defeated.

     Why, God? Why am I going through this right now? All I'm trying to do is what You want me to do.

     It's funny how in situations like this, we don't hesitate to cry out to Him -- almost even blame Him and expect Him to fix everything for us.

     I'll never know why God didn't just heal me when I was in so much pain, or why He didn't prevent sickness in the first place. That's something I've never understood, and I probably never will. I guess that's what makes faith so beautiful, isn't it?

     Jesus asked God, if it was His will, to take the burden of being crucified off his shoulders. God didn't. Jesus still followed through. To me, that is the coolest part of the story. Faith is such an unexplainable, extraordinary thing.

     So, this past week in a nutshell...  
     I was sick. God didn't heal me when I asked Him to, and I realized what it really means to serve faithfully.

     Thanks for reading.

Unashamed

   Before reading, I have decided that this song is the theme song of my trip. I can't stop listening to it. If you would like, go ahead and listen while you read!

   

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 In the three other trips I've taken to Bolivia before, I've never seen God move so much within the church. It started Saturday night, at the youth service.

     Beginning with some games, a song, and a short message... The next thing I know, everyone goes running toward the altar. On their knees. On their faces. Jumping in the air. Raising their hands. Yelling. Crying. Standing still and silent. Dancing. Pacing.

     Seeking God and to be filled with His Holy Spirit. 

     I was completely and utterly amazed. I would have never expected it to happen. And it went on for so long, I had to get home and go to sleep, only to find out that it went on until two in the morning. It was so loud, I could hear it from inside the car when we pulled out. Wow. 

     Unfortunately, I did not have my camera with me (fail), but Sunday night, it happened again. In the picture below, you will see BHC kids, truly seeking after their Heavenly Father. Something that we should all be doing, and we should be doing it like they are. Unashamed. 

     Tuesday night, the same thing happened again. This time, I went forward to the altar with two girls that I am becoming attached to: Marioly and Alison. I had to leave the room after a little while. I stepped outside and took a walk around the property. I looked at the building that I helped build for the children, who were once living in prison, and now pouring their heart out in ways that I'm not sure I know how to do. And that was the first time I cried.

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     Today was quite eventful as well. 

     I went to the BHC in the morning, as usual. Around 10:30 a.m., I found out that there were people marching and blocking the main roads. They do this for several different reasons. Some people are against certain laws, some want more money, some just want attention from the government. Either way, Rich and Sandee were at the house, and I was at the BHC with only a few granola bars to spare and no way to get back to the house since the roads were blocked with the protesters. The women I was with at the time were talking about how I may have to stay overnight at the Hope Center. I wasn't scared at all, though. In fact, it was a little exciting to me. More adventure!

     Pami blessed me today by making me a hamburger, french fries, and plantains. If you don't know about Pami, she has quite an amazing story. Trying to help her family, she came from the Philippines, smuggling drugs for money. She was caught in Bolivia and put into the women's prison. There at the prison, she met Rich and Sandee. Long story short, she is a Christian now. Miraculously, she is out of the prison and now works with Rich and Sandee. She is an amazing woman, and I really look up to her.

The little adventure ended after lunch because the silly people blocking the streets like to take lunch breaks, so they unblock the streets and go eat. Rich and Sandee made it to the Hope Center, picked me up, and I didn't end up staying overnight.

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This is about all for today! :]

Remember to be unashamed.

Thanks for reading.

     

Learning

     It's been two weeks now since I've arrived. On my second trip here, I spent two weeks also. Even though it's been the same amount of time, I have learned so much more about Bolivian culture and the lives of missionaries....and more Spanish, too.

     NO, I'm not going around like a Spanish machine--yet. But I've found myself piecing together sentences little by little, and the girls at the Bolivian Hope Center tell me every day that I've learned more. Thank God for that because language barriers are so frustrating.

     Besides the language, I've seen a lot more of everyday life here. We are always having to check the news because of blockades that could prevent us from going to the BHC, the grocery store, etc. Sometimes things can get pretty violent, so we stay away. Right now, there are several groups blocking. Lately, they have been marching in the streets instead. I've never seen anything like this.

     Another thing that I'm not used to is the fact that they hardly discipline their children here. I have a very hard time dealing with the First Steps kids sometimes because no one has disciplined them, and obviously, I'm not their parent. You'd be incredibly surprised to see how many times they will hit each other in one day. I've been slapped by them several times a day as well. I guess I'm still figuring out what to do with all of that. 

     I've never realized before how helpful teams are to missionaries. People have said before that sending money is better, but I'm not so sure of that now. Yes, money is great and needed.... But paying to come and help work for a week is very effective as well. There are projects, such as building buildings, that need workers. Here in Bolivia, it's hard to find a volunteer. Everyone wants to know what they'll be paid. So, next time you think that going doesn't help as much, think again.

I know this isn't a very long and exciting post, but I'm going to end it with a link the the BHC website. I really encourage you to think about making a donation. This ministry is changing lives. Neglected children now have a home, a bed, and food in their stomachs every day because of what's going on over here. Wouldn't you like to be a part?  Click: Bolivian Hope Center

As always, thanks for reading.

"Chau"

(Yes, that's the way they spell it here..)

Tia Raquelly

I've been spending most of my days at the Hope Center with the kids from the First Steps program.

If you didn't know, the kids from the First Steps program are too young to stay at the Home of Hope. 

Instead of being in the prison all day, lacking the care that they need, they are picked up every morning and brought to the center, then taken back in the late afternoon. 

These kids are six and under,

and I absolutely adore them.

They call all of the adults that are helping either Tio or Tia (Uncle or Aunt).

One of the girls there, Beba (pronounced Beh-Bah, not Bee-bah), who is three (I think), randomly spat out the name "Tia Raquelly!" while the other kids were also trying to get my attention by simply yelling, "Tia!" 

It got kind of quiet, and the other women looked at her and then me. We all laughed, and then suddenly, all of the kids were yelling it. 

That's how they all are in there: loud and they copy each other. I'll have to take a video of when they bless the food before eating. It makes me laugh every time.

So, I guess I'm Tia Raquelly now. Thanks, Beba.

--

In other news,

Today, Sandee and I took Marioly (13) and Daniel (10) to the concha. 

The concha is almost like a flea market, except packed, and it smells. Bad. You can get really nice clothes there cheap. Nice jeans for around ten dollars. Cute tops for less than ten. Nice shoes for around ten. Shopaholic paradise, basically. 

Since their birthdays have recently passed, we took them shopping for their own clothes. In this culture, even teenagers don't pick their own clothing. They wear what they are told to wear. So, it was exciting to watch them be able to pick their own clothes to create a style for themselves. 

As each day goes by, I realize more and more how blessed US citizens are, and also how ignorant we are about the rest of the world. We need to be thankful, and we need to be aware. 

--

Tomorrow we'll celebrate their birthdays with a party at the Hope Center. The clothes they picked, we will wrap. Even though they know what it is, everything about the presents is very special to them--down to the wrapping paper. See what I mean?

-- 

Just Smile & Nod

Today was my first day at the BHC, but first, I will tell you what happened leading up to that point.

I spent all day Saturday with Sandee and Pami, shopping at the Saturday open  market and various grocery stores to stock up the kitchen. It was cool getting to see the city.

Saturday night, we visited the Hope Center. It was the first time that the kids saw Rich and Sandee again after being gone for a year. Seeing the kids reaction to having them back nearly brought me to tears. They love them so much. A few of them cried because they were so happy.

Sandee said to me, "This is why we come back."

It's why I come back too.

Sunday, before church (because it doesn't start until eleven a.m.), I made a chocolate cake for us to have as a dessert this week. The middle sunk in because of the altitude. :/

At church, it was just a normal service. They don't really have Easter here. It's too complicated to explain why, even I don't understand. Sandee did tell me that they asked Pastor Freddy about it one time, and he replied, "But it already happened over 2000 years ago!" I thought that was funny.

So, now I'll tell you about my first day.

I spent the first half of the day with the First Steps toddlers from the prison. It was fun, and I was completely in my element. The only downside is the language barrier. No matter how many times that I tell people that I don't understand what they are saying, they wait for me to respond. I usually just smile and nod; what else am I supposed to do?

All of the children here are precious to me, though. I feel bad when they try to talk to me, and I can't respond. I'm praying that I will learn fast.

I spent the rest of the day with kids from the Hope Center. Even when we can't talk, having each other's company seems to be enough.

This week is going to be very busy because we are celebrating two birthdays at the Hope Center. We have to buy presents, make two cakes, and we are also having a pizza and ice cream party for them. On Saturday, we'll take them shopping. Sounds like my kind of birthday; I'm excited.

Well, that's pretty much it for the past few days.

Thanks for reading.

Rosita. 3 years old.

Game-Changer

     Have you ever known that you were supposed to do something, even when it didn't seem possible? That's how I felt after my first trip to Cochabamba, Bolivia, in December 2008. At fourteen years old, I left Bolivia changed. My life as I knew it--changed. But it wasn't until a couple days ago that I was really shown how much plans could change, and how that change could be something even better than what I had in store for myself.

     I was set to leave April 3rd.

     Game-Plan: fly to Miami International Airport to meet the missionaries I would be living with, Rich and Sandee Farthing, to then finish the trip to Cochabamba together. Absolutely, under no circumstances, should I be leaving the country alone.

     Game-Changer: Missionaries make it to Miami and are ready to leave the country.....My flight to Miami cancelled. 


     You can imagine the emotional eruption that took place when I found out.

     Guess who's flyin' solo? Yep.. A seventeen year old, non Spanish-speaking girl.

     After a lot of praying, I knew I could do it. After all, God's plan is the best plan. I knew I was supposed to take this trip, and if this was how I had to take it, I'd walk in faith.

     Long story short, I had a blast. Best trip I've ever taken, besides the 8 hours in La Paz, in which I COULD NOT close my eyes for a mere second...just in case. Stealing luggage from a sleeping person is common in the airports here.

     I found that in each step through the airports, I became even more confident in myself. I feel like an adult!

     Anyway, this is just a brief post about where I've been these past few days. Just traveling internationally by myself, no biggie. :]

    The picture below is a glimpse of the beauty I witnessed today. Tomorrow, I'll post more about what I'll be doing here and such. For now, I have some sleep to catch up on.

     Thanks for reading.