Nine days until I'm headed home. A part of me longs for some sweet tea, a juicy Five Guys burger, and a nice, long conversation in English. But, that's only a small part. Very small.
The rest of me, on the inside, is crying--for many reasons. I'm only going to talk about one, though. The main reason that leaving not only saddens me, but scares me:
Relationships
Even though I've struggled with communicating while I've been in Bolivia, I've managed to build strong relationships with all of the children in the First Steps ministry and especially the girls in the Bolivian Hope Center. I learn more about them every day.
Neglect. Pain. Illness. Struggles. Abandonment.
And the more I count down the days, the more my heart literally hurts with every beat.
Leading up to this trip, I've known. I've known when I'm going, where I'm going, why I'm going. But the only thing I know after this trip is over is college. Yes, I know when, where, and why I am going to college. What I don't know is when I'll be back here.
I guess it hurts me so much because I'm afraid they will think that I am abandoning them too; that our relationship was built only because I was in Bolivia for six weeks. I'm scared that I haven't been able to communicate to them how much I love and care for them. I want them to know that it will continue on, even if I see them again or not.
Going into this, I knew it would be hard to leave. I didn't realize that I would end up being so hard on myself for it, though. I can only pray that they continue seeking after God like I've seen them do, and pray that He will send me here again.
Nothing God wants us to do is in vain. Whether I see the purpose in going, building relationships, and then having to leave--God knows the purpose. I just have to keep moving forward and trust Him to tie the loose ends.
Here are two recent pictures that I have taken. I tried to upload a video, but because of the internet connection, it would've possibly taken hours.
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| Praying over Rich after singing Happy Birthday. They love him so much! |
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| Johan, Jose, Jose Pequeño (little Jose), and Jose Luis. I adore these boys. They were playing "house" together. :] |
Oh Rachie. My heart aches for you as you go through this change. You are growing and learning so much, so early. One of the hardest things I ever learned in ministry was about the good-bye.....I love you & we pray for you every day!
ReplyDeleteI can feel the sadness in your heart. I understand what you are feeling and why you are feeling it. You now have remarkable knowledge of people and situations and that knowledge haunts you with responsibility.
ReplyDeleteI hope you will always be haunted by it.
Rachel, my prayers are with you as well... and don't see this as a "good bye", but as a "see you later". God will allow you to return one day, I know that for sure. Blessings!!!
ReplyDeleteRachel,
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain. On our last day in Jeremie, Haiti, the kids sang us a song in French that translated "If I don't see you again..I will see you in heaven". It was at that point that I realized that their Faith was stronger than mine and they would be just fine because God will shield and protect them from harm. Read Psalm 91.
See you soon,
Adam
Precious Rach .. God has brought you to this exact time and place for a very specific purpose, and I will join with you in praying that not one of those children will feel the pain of your leaving in the way that you fear they will. I will also be praying that in the upcoming days that He will grant you the peace that you need to be able to let go until you see them again. You're a special somebody, with a heart of gold. I love you my sweet, sweet girl.
ReplyDeleteDear Rachel,
ReplyDeleteNow you have another reason to seek God's perfect plan for your life. He will continue to use you in amazing ways as you allow Him complete control.
Your sweet love and compassion does shine thorugh to those precious children. They will not feel abandoned but thankful to have experience the precious love you have given. blessings back to you, Donna Peak
Mi Linda Nena, for sure you don't know for what, when and in which road YOUR LORD is putting your feet.Don't be afraid or sad, His presence, comfort and guidance is all you need. All those precious kids are to be fine and they will be growing and learning more and more every day. The love and care you feel for them is showing you a little how big is God's love for every one of us. Be happy and celebrate this opportunity in your life because God is guiding you through unexpected new experiences.His love and grace will follow you all the days of your beautiful life. Blessings.
ReplyDelete